Perfect Weather

I woke up at 8:30 a.m. and did my QT. It was on luke 6:37-49. It was all about hypocrisy. I'm guilty of it. This year I've been praying for myself and for everyone that I know, that we would live lives that would reflect God's presence and love in our lives. I pray for others saying that they need this and that, when I myself need it too. I guess Jesus is also telling me that I need to pray and fix myself too. 

I decided to write a blog because, I couldn't help but really notice God's love in my life. He's blessed me with so many unforgettable experiences and friendships. I've been trying to maintain all my friendships with people, showing a little bit of love, whether it be through letters or even just hellos on campus. Making friends at school, for me, has been a little difficult because all I do is make shallow relationships; those hi and goodbye relationships. When I do make deeper relationships, I hate putting up with seeing them all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the same faces all the time, but sometimes, they can get a little annoying/repetitive. ^^;; I'm not complaining about my experience here at school, because I've really learned to be open to everyone. I'm not clicking to only Korean people, I have a diverse range of friends here. I've learned about other people's cultures and lifestyles. I think the phrase, "Ignorance is Bliss" really applies to me, because I always forget things or I don't remember many things. Maybe because of my DORY-like personality, I can stay the cheerful and happy person I am. I'm pretty sure I have a weak heart and that it's those prayers and people in my life that are blocking all the pain and loneliness from affecting my heart. It's their love for me that keeps my heart pumping and going. I'm so thankful for that.

I have a midterm tomorrow, and I was having trouble paying attention to the material I was trying to absorb. I turned on piano music and tried to study. My back facing the window, the light hit perfectly on my book so that I wouldn't have to turn on the lights in my room. It started to smell a little in my room, so I opened the blinds and window and turned on the fan. After an hour of this perfect situation, I realized that God is so amazing. With the soft yet mild breeze and perfect temperature, I couldn't be more thankful for the perfect environment to study in. Jesus has a tendancy to show his love in the smallest things, which I am very thankful for. Whenever I'm in the room alone, I usually do this, and amazingly, it's the most peaceful time of my life. I don't have to worry about being interrupted by my roommate or other people, or loud people. I wish my life was a bit more chill and calm like this. To take time out of studying and watching stupid things on the computer, to relax and soak in God's creation and love for me. I sound like those authors who write books on stress or those yoga trainers who use soothing words to make you picture the "perfect place". LOL. Everything seems to be in the back of my head at the moment, nothing really stressing me out. With these moments in my life, I feel individualistic yet dependent. I don't need anyone but God to enjoy these moments of peace and I don't have to worry about anyone watching me do things alone(eating, exercising, watch a movie).

If I was the parent of myself, I would be worried about my future plans, because I like to just waste my time, looking at and admiring my surroundings. I suggest people to take time out of their crazy lives to dedicate time to relax and not think about their papers or tests and to "harness their chi". LOL. Take things one time at a time. Don't rush yourself. There is a time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3:1-10:

For everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up[that which is] planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time.

Can you believe that this was in my textbook? I love biblical references.

I recommend these songs when you're in that perfect environment:
Butterfly Waltz-Brian Carin
Destiny of Love - Yiruma
Love Me- Yiruma
Kiss the Rain- Yiruma
Till I Find You- Yiruma
I-아이-Yiruma
What Beautiful Stars- Yiruma
If I Could See You Again- Yiruma
Love-Yiruma
Joy-Yiruma
Hope-Yiruma

The sun has already started to set! Oh pooey~ It's back to studying.

Merry Christmas

It's been a while since I've written in an online diary. (one year) I always write in my diary with a pen because then I can be truthful and not sound fake. I guess I'm writing a blog today because it's something I feel like I can share with other people, who ever is still subscribed to xanga.

Recently, I have gone on a retreat with GKC/GMI Grace. I think Grace church has been a spiritual life-changing event in my life. I've never been to such a church with so much passion. Everyone isn't ashamed of anything. They have so much trust. It is hard to open up but they still do it. Most of the people I've met only listen to Christian music in their cars or have Godly conversations. At first it was very intimidating but now it's only NORMAL. ahaha. I no longer feel afraid/ashamed to pray aloud. It's so comfortable there. I realized through this retreat that my life has been only circling worldly/secular things. I only cared about friends/grades/family/socializing. I knew that God existed and that he unconditionally loved me, therefore I didn't have to work for it. I never thought about having a sincere relationship with him. Of course we always compare our relationship with God as either Father & Daughter or as our boyfriend. However through this retreat, I realized that I'm still an immature Christian who has even attempted to really make the relationship WORK. I always say that I'll read the bible or do QTs. I do it for the sake of doing it, never wanting to read it to really know God. Since I live such a carefree and happy life, I felt like, "Yea I know that God's favor is on me." And I was very thankful for it, however, I never made the attempt of showing any actions that told God that I loved him.

So the bible, they say is the bread of our Christian lives, and through retreat, I also found out that the bible is also our wedding manuel for our marriage lives with Jesus. We need to be ready for MARRIAGE not a wedding. Love isn't everything, obviously. We need to be prepared. "Let the wedding day be the worst day of your marriage." Ironic? Well, it's also meant to say that, let your marriage be even better from that day on. Funny right? To a wedding, we have to have the right clothes on. These clothes, we can't buy with works. God gives us these clothes. (salvation) Without vision, you will perish. We can't only just have goals, but we must have a vision. Vows are made to build a relationship. The bigger, the deeper the relationship becomes. How to keep the passion in a marriage from going out? It's only through God's grace. It can't be only between you and God. There must be a community and nothing should be hidden from the community of Christ. Passion cannot stand by itself. You must also have compassion. I asked if dating people you like was wrong and guess what? It isn't wrong, but it just takes away from the intimacy you will have with your future husband. Like the cookie analogy, if you keep giving pieces of your cookie away, you will only have crumbs for your husband and vice versa. Divorce is always against God's will and therefore, the remarriage will only keep carrying the sin from the previous divorce. Men use intimacy to get sex, whereas girls use sex to get intimacy. Sad but true.

The smartest thing I learned at retreat:
Thought -> Action -> Habit -> Lifestyle

Now that I'm married to Jesus, the enemy has already started attacking me. However, I'm going to live my life for God. In the bible, it states that whatever we do, we should do with all our hearts. With that in mind, I'm going to give everything all my effort, because Jesus only deserves the best.

Hope it was somehow helpful. I can't include everything because some stuff are meant for only girls